The Colbert Report Slams New Miracle Whip Ads
This Miracle Whip add targeted to hipsters is really sweeping the nation. The COLBERT NATION.
One of the best things I’ve seen in a long time…
Oh and also: fuck you Miracle Whip. Seriously. I cannot believe you think that is legitimate advertising. When you’re trying too hard, it’s not subtle any more, and you fail. I am offended by your representation of my generation.
On a highway
And when they call me lucky
For all the places I stay
It’s hard for me to not say
I can’t wait
To find home
1) One of us names a boy we both know.
2) The other replies with whether he’d be a vampire or a wolf.
3) We laugh.
1) Do I feel like I wasted my money seeing this? No. I don’t. Because I had a free movie ticket stub.
2) How come wolves are all lower class, native American men and vampires are all over privileged white people?
3) Is it totally necessary for Jacob to take off his shirt when Bella hits her head? Not that I’m complaining, but…
4) Is it possible to yell “YO CORRO CON LOBOS” out a moving car too many times as you drive past the theater? No.
5) Has the Jacob/Edward rivalry been taken too far when a 21 year old man with a shaved head starts screaming “TEAM. FUCKING. JACOB.” at a bunch of 12 year olds after the movie?
6) Special effects totally get to me.
7) How come Bella and Edward talk SO SLOWLY. Why do they have to breathe SO MUCH MORE THAN NORMAL PEOPLE. WOULD YOU LIKE. AN OXYGEN. TANK?
8) All the posters/hot scenes from this movie look like Abercrombie and Fitch ads.
9) Am I in love with Jacob? Possibly. Do I wish I could turn into a gigantic wolf and kill things? Yes.
10) The phrase “I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU” is repeated over 756 times in this film.
“ I wouldn’t mind turning into a vermilion goldfish.
Henri Matisse
It’s not the place, nor the time
Nor that I can’t keep you mine
Your smile, my smile
Our faces mash a while
nerdgasms:
She left after a hearty application of bitchface.
Every year that I intern in the exhibitions department at SFMOMA, I get a space in an office kind of to the side of the second floor, back by the water fountains. People wander in every single day asking if it’s the bathroom or where the bathroom is. I must have directed at least 5 people a day. Some times though they don’t just leave. They see the maquettes and models of the museum and all the miniature artwork and so they start poking around. I’m like, really? Honestly? Here I am with binders, cardboard, rulers, and glue spread out EVERYWHERE and you’re going to hover over me and ask questions in an office you shouldn’t be in? Didn’t you have to pee two seconds ago?
End mini rant.
