i cant wait to wake up and start a whole brand new day of eating
im not the only one who feels this way?????? yaaaaas
-blue 7-11 slushie
-block of cheddar
-chunk of brie
-tons of Dunkin hash browns
-bowl of ice cream
-very little real lunches
-gonna fall over
-pizza and BYOB tonight for V-Day/our two year anniversary
-Chipotle documentary on Netflix
-tea time for Mia’s birthday
-some crazy surprise Mike has planned for Sunday
-I don’t know what it is
UGH haha. i hate it when i hate my art but it’s even worse when i feel ambiguous about it. i dont know what to make or i do but dont know how. or dont want to. or im lazy and am losing my momentum because i spend all day working and stay late at my job and im tired when i get home. i should want to whip out the camera or healing matte and xacto knife but all i want is snacks and tv. am i becoming that kind of boring person? oh my god this fucking sucks. i believe that there is this very real part of me that would be okay with moving to the suburbs and living a very normal boring non artist life. with a car and gas emissions and recipe box and subscription to vanity fair. ok there are probably people who want that life and love it and thats fine but i dont think i can do it.
the chances of me moving to the suburbs are pretty low id say. just on top of this people in my office say theyre afraid of me or used to be. i have maybe one friend i feel like i can actually talk to. and my long hours are making my friends outside of the office (read: most of my friends) ditch me/not want to hang out. you may say, they arent real friends any more. but this is new york and we are all very busy and we dont have time to work around me all the time, but this is what it has become and i feel guilty.
is it my birthday yet people will come to my birthday right
on the other side of this, i am: grateful to be employed full time, have a home, an awesome boyfriend, friends that i can at least txt with, and food.